Browsing Category

Features

“Things went downhill after the three-way call and I vowed never to allow myself to be swayed by any other person again”- Titilayo

“There continues to be social pressure on women to “make the relationship work” and “find a way to hold the family together,” regardless of abuse. Since so many people accept the misconception that abuse comes from bad relationship dynamics, they see the woman as sharing responsibility equally for ‘getting things to go better.” Into this context…
Read More...

” I feared what the future would for us all… when the Nigerian community begins to know I, Titilayo have now become a single mother!”

“He knows he used to be able to control you with charm, affection and promises. He also remembers how well intimidation or aggression worked at other times. Now both of these tools are losing their effectiveness, so he tries to increase the voltages. He may switch erratically back and forth between the two like a doctor who cycles a patient through…
Read More...

“the police told him I had come to pick some of my items, and that they were there to maintain peace”- Titilayo

“There are two main principles to keep in mind when deciding how much potential an abuser has to become a kind, respectful partner in the long run: 1. He cannot change unless he deals deeply with his entitled and superior attitudes. No superficial changes that he may make offer any real hope for the future. 2. It makes no difference how nice he is…
Read More...

“I guess by fleeing from my abuser, I was making it clear that the game is over and things will drastically need to change around the house”- Titilayo

“An abuser doesn’t change because he feels guilty or gets sober or finds God. He doesn’t change after seeing the fear in his children’s eyes or feeling them drift away from him. It doesn’t suddenly dawn on him that his partner deserves better treatment. Because of his self-focus, combined with the many rewards he gets from controlling you, an…
Read More...

“The lawyer advised that I move the kids out asap as I might find myself in trouble with the law should anything happen to the kids”- Titilayo

“The central attitudes driving the Drill Sergeant are: I need to control your every move or you will do it wrong. I know the exact way that everything should be done. You shouldn’t have anyone else — or any thing else — in your life besides me. I am going to watch you like a hawk to keep you from developing strength or independence. I love you more…
Read More...

“I was growing more and more hatred for him at this point in time! How could a man be this wicked?”

“The central attitudes driving the Demand Man are: It’s your job to do things for me, including taking care of my responsibilities if I drop the ball on them. If I’m unhappy about any aspect of my life, whether it has to do with our relationship or not, it’s your fault. You should not place demands on me at all. You should be grateful for whatever…
Read More...